Some of you may be wondering about my title for this. You will find out very shortly, but I want to preface this. During Francesca's concert, not bashing social media, she was honest about a trend she's seen and is guilty of herself, and most of us are. The trend is: that we tend to mostly post about the good things in our lives, and give off this false reality of our lives. We are all broken and not everything in our lives are perfectly perfect, it's not always the lowest of lows either, but life is a roller coaster and has it's ups and downs. She challenges us to be vulnerable with others…to be honest…which leads me to the title.
Heartbreak. My boyfriend and I mutually came to the conclusion to break-up. *** He read this paragraph, helped me with a few parts. I asked how much I could share (this being the "longer" version) and he gave me the text of approval*** We both had spent an amount of time praying and getting guidance about what to do. At this point in our lives, I feel that God has different plans for us, and we both agree there are areas in our lives that need growth. It wasn't a fight or an "I hate you" type thing. In fact, we made the break-up as easy as possible because we do care for each other that much. This is my first relationship and when we were seriously talking about doing this, because we are such good friends, I asked if we could have a few days to mentally prepare us for this, and that's what we did. To make it easier we decided after our "last day" as a couple, we wouldn't have "the conversation" that night before heading home, we just knew it would be over when we got up for work the next morning. We also decided we still want to be friends after all this is through. I can't say the last week has been easy, because at times it hasn't. We do care about each other, but know we are doing what we should, but it still stinks at times. We are in the same church groups on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. Since the breakup we've had tears, we've had laughs, there's been hurt and fun times. In fact we went to lunch with my best friend (Shari) and her husband (Isaiah) to celebrate her husband's birthday. It was nice knowing that we can still be friends. We are happy to move forward as friends and look forward to the support and prayer from our friends and family.
That night my mom, cousin's wife, her mom and sister and their friend Brandy and I all stayed at my Aunt M.J.'s house. I was having a tough night with all that I've been through this last week, my mom came and comforted me, while I had tears rolling down my face. The following day I held in tears during my favorite worship song "Oceans (Where My Feet May Fail)" by Hillsong, because I am in a transition and it's not the easiest at first. I was down for awhile after the conference yesterday (Saturday) and was in tears while at lunch with my parents, and we had a super good talk about how I was feeling, what I'm going through, and how to deal with it. Remember, I haven't been through this before. They also encouraged me to look towards God, and the good friendship Chase and I will, and do have. After I said goodbye to them I was able to think even more, talk to my grandma and my roommate which also helped. I have found out sharing has helped me, and that is one reason I am writing this. Then I went to church last night that also helped and hung out with my best friend and her husband. Let me get back to the conference. But first, the title for the conference couldn't be better: Restoration Heartware…it's perfect for someone just going through a break-up and one who wants to get closer with God as well =)
Bob Goff was an excellent speaker. We saw footage of him speaking at a Leadership Summit, one sunday while in church (well I went Saturday, but that's not the point). He has a book titled "Love Does" that I've wanted to read, but haven't got to yet, but I'm even more excited to now. There were so many things he said that I loved, but I just want to focus on a few specifically.
From Bob's first session I want to mention the aspect of loving others. We are called to love others, and well as DC Talk says, "Love is a verb." Which means "Love Does", love does things. One thing he said was to step out of your comfort zone. Which reminded me of a previous blogpost I wrote, here's the link: http://crossroadscorner.blogspot.com/2013/12/be-change-you-wish-to-see-in-world.html . We can help others, if we see someone in need we shouldn't try and pick a fight and laugh things off and make fun those in need. Everyone has a story. If you don't want to give money to those in need you can: buy them a meal, give them food, help out in someway. From personal experience with a man named Johnny, sometimes one of the greatest things you can do is have a conversation with them and let them know that you care and are interested. He was so thankful that a group of my friends and I took time to get to know him. You can also pray with them or if they don't want you to, pray for them on you're own. We want to "leave Jesus where we go" meaning that we live a life like Christ and Jesus can touch people and come to Jesus, we may not see it directly, but we all have different roles in the body of Christ.
From the second session, the phrase "stop being right, be humble" stuck out. Sometimes we are wrong, and it's important to admit our faults. We just need to be able to say "I'm sorry." Bob Goff for example will call people and just say he's sorry. The whole sorry thing really stuck to me, because I know at times it's heard to admit you were wrong and I know many of us can agree with that. And sometimes you think someone is never wrong, but guess what, it's ok to admit you're wrong about something. I'm sure, if you are reading this, you can think of someone who is never wrong…maybe it's you…say I'm sorry…genuinely and don't be afraid to make a mistake, agree with someone else or admit you're wrong. Bob Goff closed saying, "What if we fix our eyes on Jesus?" That reminded me of a song by one of my favorite Christian bands for King & Country called "Fix My Eyes"
The breakout session I went to was called confirmation, and the speaker told a story I could relate to in a way, it reminded me of what my brother went through that one CHRISTmas…there is also a blogpost on that: http://crossroadscorner.blogspot.com/2013/12/christmas-miracle.html . Anyways, one of the questions they posed was, "Do you want to follow God's plan for you, but don't know what it is?" One thing that was mentioned was looking to see fruit from you're decisions. I still don't know exactly where He is leading me, but I'm working on trusting completely. This class also talked about when you are in a valley on the roller coaster of life, which I felt I could relate to currently with what I mentioned a few paragraphs above. They presented a 30 Day Challenge, which I believe is good to do whether you are in a valley or not because it can help you not take your life for granted and see how blessed you really are.
30 Day Challenge:
Create a blessing jar. For each day find at least one thing that was a blessing and write it down. After the thirty days look back at all those blessings.
-I haven't started it yet, but I have some in mind. I need to get a jar and paper, but I may be able to improvise. I will however start this week, and after my 30 days I may do a post, on what I learned from counting some of my blessings. I challenge you to do this too, no matter what's going on in your life.
The last think I have is how the conference inspired me to do some songwriting again. I used to write a lot more in high school and on and off in college, but honestly, I've rarely written down here. The whole "I'm sorry" thing got me thinking. Last night while I was showering I just got these lyrics and melody stuck in my head and I didn't want to lose it so I kept singing and singing. When I got out I recorded it in my phone, was exhausted. This morning I woke up and continued writing the song and it was awesome, there's still a little more of it to write, but it felt so good, and I thank God for this weekend.
Ok, I said that was the last thing, but I wanted to let you know that Chase and I and Isaiah and Shari had a good time eating pizza. I finally saw today that this can actually work. We started a pizza after church tradition and Isaiah and Shari have now joined, and I think we can continue it as friends and others can always join. I'm exciting to see this friendship grow and see the blessings that come out of just being friends and am excited for life. I'm sure I'll still have my down times, especially not going through this before and it still being new. But I am Choosing Joy in this and trusting God. I'm excited for what He has planned in the future! Hope you had a blessed weekend and God Bless!
Here are a few pics of the weekend!
Below: My mom, myself and Shari!
My mom Susan and her sister M.J.
Below: Shari and I
Aunt M.J. and Me =) 
Anita Renfroe
Bob Goff Francesca Battistelli
I'm Sorry
