I
honestly don’t know where to begin. Part of me wants to start a few months ago,
and the other part of me wants to start with a wonderful breakfast I was having
with a friend. I’m going to see if I can tie them together.
Okay.
So a few months ago I was eating my wonderful weekly dinner with my grandma and
grandpa St. John. On my way home, I had stopped to get gas, and was thinking
about the conversations shared and the people I was with. I was thinking about
my grandparents and the wonderful and full lives that they’ve lived. I started thinking about how I cherish
the time I spend with them, as at some point they will be gone, and leave
behind their legacy. The word legacy was imprinted into my brain, and
I was pondering it, and then thought what kind of legacy do I want to leave
behind? I may be 24 (23 at the time), but the things I do today are all built
into your legacy. Your legacy is a work in progress throughout your life. As
this is all racing through my mind, I start singing and making up a song as I
go. I grab my phone and press record, as soon as I'm done getting gas. Stay tuned, you may just hear a bit =)
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| Grandpa's Sherm & Irv |
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| 83rd Birthday! |
Fast-forward
to the morning of Memorial Day; May 25, 2015. I was busy getting ready to get lunch
with my dear friend Victoria, before I move back to the Northland. While
getting ready I remember my parents telling me that Grandpa would be coming
over to oversee my dad paint a door and hang out for a little bit. Before you know it I was at breakfast, chatting the morning
away, sipping on hot cocoa, and awaiting the arrival of our food when I got a
text from my mom saying, Heading to
Banner Heart Hospital. Grandpa’s been taken in by ambulance. My heart
started racing and my head spinning.
I’m the girl who likes the thrill of an adventure as long as everything
turns out ok. My dream was to be the weather girl reporting live from the
hurricane or near a twister…you name it, as long as loved ones and I didn’t get
hurt. Something like this has happened to grandpa before and it ended up being
nothing, so I was hoping it was something like that again, where we can look
back and say remember that time…Shortly after my mom texted me saying that they
were registering Grandpa which usually meant everything was ok…at least we
thought. So I finished my
breakfast and headed to the hospital. After parking in the wrong section of the
hospital, I ended up finding my way with the help of my mother. The rules were
two allowed in the room, two in the hall, so I waited in the lobby as people
were shuffling in. I was busy doing a devo when my uncle Pooh Bear walks by and
I hear him say it’s not good, and then I eavesdrop on the conversation he was
having on the phone with my cousin. I heard that he needed surgery and there
was a 23% survival (since then I’ve heard 30% as well). Once my uncle was off the phone he
explained what he knew, and I’ve talked to my dad as well. From what I
understand he had an aortic dissection, which causes internal bleeding. I
believe he had either the same thing (but not as bad) or something similar
about 10 years ago. As soon as I heard that, I told my uncle I had to see
him. Knowing that he may not survive the surgery and remembering that I hadn’t
gotten up and hugged him goodbye on his birthday, I had to see him. We were
afraid he was already in surgery, but when we got there, they were trying to
prep him. He was going in and out of consciousness, and when he’d come out, he
was wondering where he was and what was happening. I remember my mom being in there comforting him, and telling
him that he had fainted while playing pool and the doctors were taking care of
him. – I realize I forgot the detail of what he was doing when this started to
happen. She was so kind and
strong. I later found out that she’d ask him here and there if he was in any
pain and his answer was no. I got in there and there were doctors working and
wanting only two of us in there. I didn’t want to disrupt the doctors but
wanted to give him a possible goodbye kiss and a kiss full of love. I took his
right arm and gave it a big kiss full of tears, I remember seeing my mother by
his hospital door capturing the precious moment. I believe once I left the room I ran into my daddy’s arms
and just cried. Then we waited for them to prep.
Waiting.
Waiting can be torture. I hopped on my Facebook, and posted on the
college/young adults group I’m apart of with a prayer request. I also began
texting many friends asking for prayer (I apologize if I forgot you as my head
was spinning). There became a
point when things were slightly better. My mom was by his bedside, when the beginning of the end began, and she knew it was time to step out. Our family
was no longer in his room, but one close by. Prayers, discussion, crying, hugs were all some of the things
shared. My dad was on the phone with D.j. trying to book a ticket when we were
all suddenly called to the room that we were “camping out in” because the
surgeon wanted to talk to us. We
had barely sat down, when the surgeon broke the news. Honestly his words are
all a blur to me, I can’t remember what words he used, I just remember my heart
sinking and being in shock, and looking at my grandma. It was the most heartbreaking thing
I’ve ever seen.
After
a few antagonizing minutes we were allowed to go in and see him. I honestly was
nervous, because I have never seen someone this close to the TOD. I’ve always
seen people at a viewing. I can’t
remember if I prayed or not, but regardless, God filled me with the courage to
go in and sit down in the chairs they put out for us, with tears running down
my face, and holding my mother. I was shocked. I remember just over a week ago
eating with my grandparents and Grandpa saying how he had a great doctors
appointment and the one thing I remember them telling him was to have less
salad…I think many of us would like that. With that information I was shocked, and hearing grandma in
there, telling him to wake up, begging him to wake up, broke me into pieces. I
was heartbroken as a granddaughter who was close to him, but I couldn’t imagine
the heartbreak Grandma Pat was facing, with the loss of a husband she’s had for
nearly 60 years (this summer). I
also couldn’t imagine what my mother was going through, as she was very close
with her dad; they had a connection that I admired. I also looked at Mary Jean,
and Judith was on the phone with us in the Grandpa’s room. I thought about his three daughters and thought of the love he had for each each of them and their's back to him, each
unique in their own way. I thought
of my brother, cousins and myself and how we all have a good relationship, and
seeing the blessing I've had from living down here by him the last few years unravel. I think of my cousins two little boys
who are lucky enough to have their great-grand parents present in their young
lives, yet also remember the beauty of being a child. The time we had in that
room was beautiful and heartbreaking, but there was definitely some beauty from
pain (ironically, that’s one of the points from the sermon we had just the day
before). The hardest part was
getting my grandma to leave the hospital room and say goodbye.
By
dinnertime, the family was streaming into my aunt’s house and my brother and
Aunt Judith were both on their way.
I remember sharing a hug with my cousin Blake and we shared a few words,
and it was a moment I won’t forget. We were the cousins who would always be laughing;
well he’d always be making me laugh hysterically, and for these few moments we
shared in the same pain and love we had for our grandfather, and it was
comforting, knowing we’re in the same boat and have each other’s back! We told
stories outside, ate food, and eventually some of us fell captive to the “500
Questions” game show on t.v. It was soon time to pick up Judith and my brother.
We picked my aunt up first and then went to get D.J. When I found out he was
still getting off the plane, I raced upstairs, to wait, where all these people
were waiting for friends and loved ones coming home (some very large parties of
people). I was waiting in anticipation to see my brother and give him a nice
big hug, as we both had a very close relationship with our Grandpa Irv, and
knew we needed each other to get through this. It was probably only a few
minutes waiting, but it seemed to take absolutely forever and then I got to see
my baby brother and I was so happy and thankful.
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| Labor Day a few years ago (mom w/ her parents) |
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| Planking with dad and Grandpa Irv |
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| Birthday at Texas Roadhouse 5 years ago |
Legacy Part 2: to
be continued…
