Fearless

          At the start of 2015, I decided to have a theme word…Fearless. To clear the air, I love Taylor Swift, but her version of Fearless, or her album didn't inspire this being my theme. One of my favorite Christian groups, Group 1 Crew has an album named Fearless. This whole album is amazing and I highly recommend it, but they do have a song called Fearless as well. It caught my ears (get it haha) because I'm the girl who has ended up getting frozen by fear. Usually thoughts like, I don't want to make a mistake, what if God has something else planned, what if I think it's God telling me to do this, but I want it too, so maybe it's not…can God and I want the same thing for my life, what if I'm not good enough or outgoing enough or smart enough, what if I don't know what to do. Does God want me to do ______ or  _______? Live here or there? The list could go on…that was probably a little over-whelming to read, sorry…but maybe you can relate.  Another thing I thought about while thinking of a theme word is what was something I wanted to work on. I'd been working on giving my fears to God, and that's what I decided I really wanted to work on this year…being Fearless.

           So a little over a year ago from me posting this I was fighting to keep my relationship with my boyfriend alive, yet I also wanted to follow God's plan for my life and was really struggling with what to do. I felt the Lord wanted me back in Minnesota and had someone else for me,  but at the time I believed my heart was in Arizona, and I was willing to sacrifice whatever to stay because I was stubborn, yet I feel deep down I knew God had something greater planned. My relationship came to a halt a few weeks before Thanksgiving and that weekend home was one my heart really needed. I'm not saying everything was better after that weekend, it took awhile for the tears to stop, to try and figure out my next steps. But while I was in the chaos nearing the end of that relationship I'd read in my Jesus Calling devo, that fear in a way is or can lead to a sin, because you aren't trusting the Lord. I decided that I would work on trust and not being afraid of what was to come.

         As the new year rounded the corner I was filled with excitement for this new year. I was praying about a ministry opportunity I'm passionate about and decided Fearless would be my theme. I remember writing a blog earlier titled "Walk on Water" and being so excited about this ministry opportunity that I wasn't yet going to give details on. After the school year ended I moved back home, as I felt God wanted me back there. The ministry opportunity I was so excited for kinda fell through and I was left at the beginning again. I also had to look for a job…and get my Minnesota Teaching License. I got my license and began looking for jobs in the area, and couldn't find any and wanted to be in Duluth and not the cities. I can't tell you how frustrating and hard it can be looking for a teaching job when there's virtually no openings. I was frustrated and tired of looking on a teaching website for hours to see if there was anything. Throughout this time of "unknown" I trusted the Lord, as crazy as it was and frustrating at times, I had this peace about me, knowing that everything would be ok. I decided to look into other professions that I may enjoy and be good at, and I found one. I have a job lined up, but have to take a few classes first, so that's what I'm doing, and I'm super excited, but I am a little nervous switching gears, but excited to see what God has in store through this.

              During my years in Arizona, I realized I have a heart and passion for ministry. When I arrived back home, I joined a Women's Bible Study for lady's in their 20s and have made some great friends from that and am making more. I am so blessed to have found this group. I've also been church hopping. I've tried a number of churches and was going to maybe go back to my original plan that fell through, but adjust it, and there was one more church I wanted to try, but decided not to, and made up my mind. I Facebook messaged a few friends to see if they were interested in teaming up with me and they both said they were checking out this other church at the time. These two friends aren't close friends with each other, so it was a total God thing, but guess what church they were both checking out? You guessed it, the one I may have been too stubborn to try. A mom I babysit for also mentioned this church to me earlier this summer. So I tried it, and found out about this year long institute, that to summarize it in a nutshell is: "A one-year biblical immersion that will help you decipher your unique Kingdom Calling." I felt that that was perfect in a way because I'm passionate about ministry but want to learn more, and see what God has in store with me. Now here's when the "fearless" part comes in.  When I checked out that church on Sunday it was the last day to sign up for this institute. I was real excited about it, and prayed telling the Lord I want to do His will and I'm going to trust Him. Normally I'd want to pray about it for awhile, but the deadline was that night, so I may have thrown up a prayer that said, something like, "If you don't want me doing this, make it so I can't sign up or something." Not long after I signed up, but it wasn't until the next day I got a welcome to the institute e-mail, so there was a short period of time, where I wondered if my sign up went through. Also it's a year long commitment, which can be scary in and of itself because it means you're committed to something, so it's something permanent in the midst of uncertainty, but I'm trusting the Lord and being fearless with it. It has been great so far, and it may equip me more for my original plan, or God may reveal a different plan to me. Either way, I'm looking forward to seeing what He has planned.
           
              So I am so excited to see what God has in store. Currently, I've been out of college two years and am studying for a new vocation, subbing, babysitting, digging deeper in my faith, and trusting the Lord with the plans he has for my life. I have grown in Fearlessness, but it's one of those things I feel is continually being worked on. I'm going at this with trust and Fearlessness. God has planned and I thank Him for the good and the bad times. I praise Him because with trust in Him we can be fearless because He's got us. I will leave you with the bridge and final chorus from the song Fearless.

Group 1 Crew: Fearless - click on the link to go to iTunes =)

If You're with me, who can be against me?
I have no reason to fear... oh oh oh oh.
If You're with me, who can be against me?
I know You're keeping me near.

As I stand in the eye of the storm,
It's Your love that keeps guiding me home.
I am fearless.
I am fearless.

Through the dark,
You're my light and salvation oh within me.
I'll trust in You, Lord.
I am fearless.
I am fearless.

from azlyrics.com


      Love Jalynn17
                Hope you had a great 2015…see ya in 2016 =)

Shooting Star

          This was originally intended to be a short "Thursday Thoughts" post on Crossroads Corner-FB and it started to get a little too long for Facebook, so here we are.
         
          Last night (11/4/15)  as my family and I were traveling to my grandparents, we saw around 3-4 shooting stars and I found myself in awe of my Creator. Each shooting star brought more excitement, praise, and anticipation to see if there would be another one- looking out the window and turning my head back and forth from window to window like a dog trying to follow the toy his owner has in their hand.  Today as I was reflecting on the gloriousness of last night I thought about what a shooting star is…in simple words it's a ball of burning debris. So I paused and thought about how excited I get for a piece of the Lord's creation that isn't living, and extremely temporary. By no means, am I trying to belittle His creation, because it's amazing…the point I'm trying to make is the backwardness of how excited we get over a non-living piece of creation, that is so temporary, and often treat the creation He made in His image (Genesis 1:27) horribly. Think about it a minute and let that sink in.

image from google

          So here's my proposition, let's think about the excitement we get from shooting stars, different natural wonders, weather, things in nature, animals and more and think of each other. We, the human race, have been made in the image of God, have a soul, and are made to be relational. We are relational with one another and the God of the universe wants a personal, authentic, and genuine relationship with us. We were made for relationships, yet it seems we are always cutting one another down instead of building up. We are quick to judge and see the differences, and we tend to look at differences as a negative thing, when differences is what makes us beautiful. Think about it… if we were all the same, or virtually the same, we'd be soooo boring.  Think about all the popular dystopian society books/movies and that is exactly the cycle that the protagonists are trying to break.
   
       The Golden Rule, tells us basically to treat others how we want to be treated (Matthew 7:12).  The greatest commandments are also to love the Lord, and love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:36-40). We could get into the whole discussion of who you're neighbor is, but simply love those that are hard to love, and those who are easy to love, actually love them. The big thing is to love people, care about others. We tear down those who are different and are often jealous or trying to beat out those similar to us. We should stop both of those and look for the good qualities in all.  That's one thing I like to focus on while teaching, telling my students what they are good at, even when they don't think anything is going for them, find one thing and build them up, because everyone has special skills or qualities, and sometimes they just have to be told what it is, and other times it has to be discovered. But I say let's live in a world where we genuinely lift each other up without a hidden agenda. Bob Goff says, instead of dwelling where someone has been (in terms of their life story) tell them where they're going, that is a powerful thing. Yes, being positive won't make you're life perfect and everything hard go away, but it's way better than a "negative" alternative.

        In the last few weeks I came across an article on Facebook about this 6 year-old girl who was born with her heart outside her body, and what she had to say about it was inspiring and has popped in my mind many times. She says, "I know why I have a heart outside, because Jesus wants to show that He can make special things like me (here's the article if you want to read Warning: graphic images if you are squeamish Special things like me)." It made me think, God created each and every one of us special and unique no matter what. You are special whether you have a disability, cancer, disease, are a nerd, jock, cheerleader, musician, genius, popular, unpopular, an addict, divorced, widowed, grandparent, single parent,  broke, fill in the __________. Don't measure yourself and others through the world's eyes but through the Lords. You are worth more than gold and are a child of the One True King.

       Here are two songs by some of my favorite Christian artists who speak to this message. I'm linking videos and linking them on iTunes (Just click on song titles) =)
 

 Gold- Britt Nicole

 
Hello My Name is - Matthew West

             So relating this back to a shooting star. We are all incredibly unique and special like a shooting star, and we should get so excited when we get to meet and interact with other humans- where we are made in the Lord's image- so much cooler than a meteor. But we love the excitement of shooting stars, so let's love like the Lord, and be shooting stars of love to all those around us (in others words, bless others and tell them why they are special and who they're turning into)

          Thank you and God Bless!!! Be a shooting star today!!!
                     Love- Jalynn =)

The Chase- Trusting God with your happily ever after!!!

Quick background on why I’m doing this review: I’ve been a fan of Kyle since his Anthem Lights days and have been a fan of Karen Kingsbury’s books since college and got a glimpse of Kelsey in the Bailey Flannigan series, and I’ve gotten a preview of Kyle and Kelsey’s love story. I remember seeing Kyle’s thoughtful and fairytale proposal video with Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” playing and have been following the release of “The Chase.” I was stoked to be able to be a part of the Street team, I got to read the book and can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, I can tell you how awesome, encouraging, uplifting and refreshing this book it.

            I want to take a few minutes of your time to share with you the unique layout/perspective of this book, some of my story and why I believe you should get and gift this book =)

           

            This book is written in a unique way because Kyle and Kelsey wrote it in a joint effort. Each chapter title, like many chapter titles, gives you an idea of what it will be about.  Since this book is geared towards females (I believe it can be helpful and insightful for guys as well) Kelsey starts each chapter. After Kelsey is done Kyle tells about the topic from his perspective. Both of them tie in individual stories as well as ones that have touched them, and throughout all of it there are encouraging words from the Word. At the end of each chapter, as one, as husband and wife, they close it together.  I think that is extra special and meaningful given the topic of the book. While reading their individual parts of the book, you honestly feel as though you are sitting down across the table from them at your favorite coffee shop or café and they’re pouring our their love, encouragement, and story to you. Then they write together and it feels like both of them are there. It is written in a very kind and personal way.

            Question: Ok, that’s all cool but what is this book even about??

            Answer: Chasing God with your happily ever after=)

            I found myself relating to both Kyle and Kelsey in different ways. I can relate to being a hopeless romantic and wanting that fairytale reality, I didn’t date in high school because I view the point of dating to be to find your future spouse, my hearts been broken, I’ve hung onto a relationship longer than I should have because I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him and being together and tried to dream of the future but… I realized I was more in love with the idea and dream of being in love and future more than the person. I have been judged (at multiple points of my life) for having a close relationship with my family, I cried when I wasn’t invited to “prom” or another couples dance, I’ve made a commitment to stay pure, I’ve made a list of character qualities, I’ve prayed for my future husband, this last year on Valentine’s Day I (single Jess) wrote a love letter to my future hubby and am planning on making it a tradition that lasts the rest of my life.

  

                                      

            I’ve prayed for him, longed for him, but aside from all that, I feel like I’ve slowly been losing faith in having the Prince Charming of my dreams and having to settle instead. For example, this guy has all these great qualities, but there are some BIG red flags- yes no one’s perfect, I’m not, but there are bit “no-no’s” that could really hurt your marriage and relationship.  One thing that Kelsey said on having a list was

            “Never think your list is too long or that your standards are too high… and never ever for one second think, my list is unrealistic, or, this guy that I’ve created on paper isn’t out there…God knows, and His timing is perfect."

-       Kelsey Kupecky

In other words, don’t compromise what you’re looking for.

           

            I learned another lesson in this book. It was in a chapter about letting the guy take the lead. I don’t have a problem with the guy leading, but in my last relationship I loved when he’d open doors and was chilvarious, but as time went on I felt bad that he was always doing those things, even though I appreciatedi t, I felt like he didn’t have to do that “extra work” because I was capable of it, so I started to “race” him to those things so he didn’t have to do it. I now realize that letting him do that is a form of respect, it’s letting him take the lead, be a gentleman. To my future love, I will respect you and love you and let you open doors etc. I also learned different tips on how to treat guys that I feel I haven’t intentionally thought about, as well as learned things “not to do” from this book.

            During my last relationship I realized I wasn’t chasing God the way I wanted to for when I’m dating my future husband and when I’m married. And to be honest, I really struggled with that. I know we can always grow closer to the Lord, but I want to be secure, strong, confident in my chase with the King (that will forever continue), before I meet my prince.

            I also learned it’s ok to have “sad days. While you’re in the “waiting” period, Kyle had some great advice.

            “waiting sounds verry passive… there’s no action to it…better advice is to wait and chase God.”

            -Kyle Kupecky

This time of waiting may be one of the most important periods of your life because it gives you time to fall madly in love with pursuing and chasing God. During those times you’re longing for your future hubby-> pray for him, and “run to God.” The last sentence of the book I found extremely powerful.

            “TRUST GOD & PRAY BELIEVING”

                        -KYLE & KELSEY KUPECKY

            I highly recommend this book to you, a friend, sister, daughter, grand-daughter, niece, the list goes on. The book is truthful and has a refreshing look on love, dating and chasing after God, the most important thing in the world. It also offers hope and redemption if regret, shame or guild exists in your life/story. It helps show girls what is really important about who they are as well as things to look for in a guy. Honestly I think guys could learn a lot from this book as well, they could be encouraged by Kyle’s stories and learn about different qualities to look for through Kelsey’s parts.

 Star recommendation: ***** (5 of 5).

Here are some places you can buy The Chase:

Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christian Book, LifeWay, Books-A- Million, iBooks and more!!!

Love,

   Jalynn- (Jessica Lynn) !!!

p.s. Feel free to spread the love, write reviews for the book and gift to friends =)

This is your mission:

     I was recently introducing my grandparents to Chuck, a spy rom-com t.v. show (which is no longer on air, but all the seasons are on Netflix-> Check it out!). We started from the very beginning and the character Sarah said something that made me think:
       
                  "Some people want to be heroes and some have to be asked..."
                                                                                        - Sarah Walker, Chuck

                                   -I agree with that to a point.

      I would argue that the idea of being a hero is very appealing to many, but when it comes to it…it's easier to not step out of your comfort zone and if we were asked a lot of us would probably say no because the risk is too big. Of course there are different accidents, disasters and situations when heroes emerge for doing the right thing.

     What if I told you the day we asked Jesus to be our Savior, He called us to be heroes. 2 Corinthians 2:16 (NIV) says, "But we have the mind of Christ." Jesus Christ gave us the mind of the Holy Spirit whom we have at all times. In Beth Moore's Whispers of Hope- Day 62 referencing the Holy Spirit Beth says, "He also provides the brains behind the operation." The Holy Spirit is present to lead and guide us in our daily lives.  Mark 15:16 (NIV) says, "Go into all the world and preach the Gospel to all creation." Did you see that ALL CREATION- that includes everyone, whether here or oversees. You may be thinking that doesn't make me a hero. When I think of what a hero means, I see someone who is saving someone or something- and it doesn't necessarily mean literally saving a life- saving a job, surprise party from being ruined, raising children, teaching, doctors, dentists, janitors, trash truck drivers, engineers, whatever…most things we do have either a positive or negative effect. As Christians we are called and made for more than those examples of heroes…we are dealing with eternity.
       
       Eternity is what we are dealing with. Good and evil lasting forever. God vs. Satan. So when we go into the world and share the Gospel with others we are playing a part in leading others to Christ, which if they accept Him as their personal Lord and Savior they are eternally saved and join our mission team. Ultimately Jesus does the saving, but we are agents in the process. You may be thinking- I'm just a no one, how am I supposed to save others, that seems like a lot of pressure-.  There are 3 big things the Lord has given us: the Holy Spirit (mentioned earlier), the Fruit of the Spirit, and the Armor of God.

               1) Holy Spirit. "And you were also included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit"- Ephesians 1:13 (NIV). We have the Holy Spirit, which is huge. Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to be with us after He "physically left" the earth. I personally think the Holy Spirit often gets the name of conscious. The Holy Spirit will nudge us to go in the God-honoring direction and stay away from the path of destruction. The Holy Spirit also provides us each with different gifts. 1 Corinthians 12 has many great examples, and I just want to highlight verses 4-7, "Now there are different gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different ministries, but the same Lord. And there are different activities, but the same God is active in everyone and everything. A manifestation of the Spirit is given to each person to produce what is beneficial: (HCSB)" We have all been given different gifts to help in our mission to bring the world to Christ.
         
               2) Fruit of the Spirit. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law (NASB)." The Lord has given us all of these gifts. These will help us show His love to others in good times as well as times filled with conflict or disappointment. Even when we're angry we can show God's love by being gentle and having self-control and using different fruits. We can spread love by our actions and how we interact with others, and these are some of the many gifts He has given us.
         
               3) Armor of God. The armor of God is found in Ephesians 6:10-18. A quick rundown of the pieces of armor we have are the following: the best of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, sandals of peace, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, sword of the Spirit and the power of prayer. So the majority of the armor are used as defensive agents, except for the sword of the Spirit. The hidden weapon is prayer, and I'd like to argue that prayer can be both. You can pray for both defense and offensive things, but I'd say prayer is like a secret weapon. All of these can help us either defeat the enemy and draw closer to our Lord and Savior.
                     
        I want to leave you with a few quotes from Beth Moore's Study on this, to help us think:

                  "The more we partake of the things of the Spirit, the more we begin to think like the Spirit…"

                  "We are finite beings of frail human flesh occupied by the Spirit of the supernatural, all-powerful, all-present, all-knowing Godhead."

                   "Let's begin asking God daily to quicken the mind of Christ in us so that, like the great apostle Paul, we can supernaturally understand, 'what God has freely given us.'"-> aka the Spirit.
 

          I believe that there's a part of us that want's to be the hero, and the scary thing is, we have that chance! God has asked us to be heroes and help bring the world to Him. The awesome thing is, He has provided us with all that we need!

  "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." - Matthew 28: 19-20


   

Please Fight for Me!!!

I’m hidden, I keep getting pushed back

There was a time I thrived in life

But now society has pushed me away

Kids used to play outside or in for hours

Sometimes with few or little toys

But with me they didn’t need those things

Now there’s all these electronics

Which…ok, my expertise was needed in their origins

I was used to create the many masterpieces…

Which in turn pushed me away

It sometimes feels like children rather use the creation

Rather than the creator

In school they try and use me

Some kids love me and others don’t

I see the struggle of sometimes being a foreign concept

Many children rather watch t.v. than read a book

Reading greatly exercises me

While playing based on movies has a slightly smaller stretch

This isn’t just a generation gap with me; it’s becoming an Epidemic

Adults push me away- as they’d rather watch a movie or t.v. show

Rather than read a book and enter a whole new world or create something

Adults seem not to have time, constantly too busy

They think of me as a thing of the past

A thing children use…yet today many aren’t using me as much

Sadly many movies, books & t.v. are starting to lack me

Many follow the same story with little originality

They’ve become very predictable and oftentimes the same story told different ways

Currently I’m still around…but I feel I’m losing my color

What I mean is that when I’m used a lot my color is vibrant and bright

My color fades when I’m not, I just hope and pray I don’t disappear completely

No matter what your age, work on not losing sight of me

Put the electronics away and decide to play

You’ll be amazed at the things we can do and places we can go!

            Please fight for me,

                                          Imagination

Legacy Part 2 (Saint)

             It's been a few weeks, since my Grandpa Irv went to be with Jesus. Over the last few weeks, I've been blessed to hear stories, go down memory lane, and think about legacy.  I want to take a few minutes of your time to share some parts of his legacy that I will cherish, and some of the memories I have with him.
             My grandpa has taught me a lot of things, one of them being how to love. Way back when they were young Grandpa Irv saw this cute girl at church camp, and later knocked her books over at school to get her attention. That was the beginning of their story, and before you know it they fell in love. They got married in 1955 and the rest, as they say is history. They had 3 beautiful daughters and very busy lives. They both worked in the schools, and Grandpa Irv coached basketball, they were involved with church, dinner clubs, bridge and much more. Through it all Grandpa Irv loved all three girls, and loved his wife Pat, with all his heart. I've heard stories of how great of a husband he is, and has gotten to witness it throughout my life, but paid most attention to it this last year.
            I've lived in Arizona the last two years, and this last fall Irv and Pat moved into a wonderful and beautiful assisted living place, called Generations at Agritopia…I like to call it a cruise on land. If you know someone who is looking for a place, I 100% recommend it. Anyways, I've always loved spending time with my grandparents, and after a break-up, my schedule…what do you know…opened up…a little. So I decided to make a tradition of Monday nights with the St. Johns. I'd head over for dinner and oftentimes after dinner we'd sit by the fire or watch the movie that was playing in the theater room. Through this experience I got to witness the love they had all the time at dinner and around others. You could just tell how much love Grandpa Irv had for Grandma Pat. It's been a great testament of love, especially these last few years, as my Grandma's Alzehimer's becomes more pronounced. Even with forgetfulness and such, he still loved her with all of his heart, and you could just see that if you spent some time with them. In fact, at Generations, they were known as "The Lovebirds"-> I've attached a video where you can see a quick glimpse of the love they have for each other during Valentine's Day (when they renewed their vows) and got to dance together. If you can't see it, I apologize for it not working :(

                                          

           Speaking of dancing, that is a memory I'll cherish with my Grandpa Irv. As a girl, it is always so nice to be asked to dance. I also have a love for the 50's and that whole, era, which is the era they fell in love. I was secretly hoping to get asked to dance with Grandpa Irv and before I knew it, he was walking over to me asking for my hand to dance. I was happy to dance with him, and quickly realized  that I had a lot of learning with dancing and the footwork, but Grandpa Irv was a good teacher. As I was dancing with him, my mind drifted off thinking about my wedding someday and how I'd love to dance with him at my wedding, yet know it may not happen, because I'm single and he's in his 80s, thinking I have to meet a guy, date awhile, get engaged, then get married, and that all takes time. I had hopes that he'd make it, and was leaning more on the side that he would, because he's healthy. I do however, have the brain where I tend to look at all the outcomes, and be prepared just in case. So I soaked in the moment, and cherished it. Fast-forward a few months and we find ourselves at the Mother's Day celebration at Agritopia. Once again, there is fun dancing going on and this loving Grandpa walks over and takes me out to the dance floor, and I absolutely love it. My mind of course wandered again, but I cherished it, and that was the last time we'll dance here on Earth. I will get to join him again one day (hopefully in the far future), dancing on the streets of gold in Heaven.

Valentine's Day Dance

Our Last Dance...

             I wanted to share a story I heard over the last few weeks that really speaks to my grandpa's character. So he was a basketball coach and teacher. Around CHRISTmas one year after practice the team noticed all their CHRISTmas money that was left in their pockets was missing. The coaches and captains went to work to find out who took the money. Once they found out, the captains thought the player who took it should be kicked off the team, because it was thousands of dollars. However, my grandpa knew the background of the player who took the money and he had a rough home life, and basketball was his safe haven, his escape, something he was good at. In a world where not a lot was going right for this player, basketball was the one thing that was. So Coach St. John kept him on the team, and the player had to either give or pay back all the money that was stolen. I would love to know where he is now and how his life played out and then take a look at how it could have been. Whether these actions helped give him hope for a better future, or was a safe haven for the here and now, Grandpa Irv had a great heart for people.

            I also wanted to talk about Grandpa Irv's faith. Growing up you're a child, and oftentimes by default, or protection of innocence, don't get included in the "adult" conversations of different struggles. I knew my Grandpa was a man of faith, but I got to see his faith really raw and stripped down this year, and I really liked the vulnerability he showed. We should all be more vulnerable with our faith. It was CHRISTmas Eve, and we were at church together. Our church handed out a copy of, Plan B by Pete Wilson to everyone who attended. The tagline on the front of the book said, "What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought he would?" I remember sitting by grandpa at one point and him confessing to me he's had a hard time understanding why God would allow Pat to go through Alzheimer's. No one planned for this to happen, but amidst the trails he still followed and loved the Lord and his one an only lady- Pat.  I don't have this in here for a pity story or anything. This is in here because it shows real life. It showed me that my grandpa is just like me, someone who has highs and lows, good days and bad days, someone who is real. I never got the chance to tell him how much I appreciated that conversation, but I did. I think we can learn from it too. When we take time to be vulnerable, it can build our prayer community and our relationships can dive deeper. I don't have the answer about my grandma Pat, on why this is happening. I pray for a miracle, for it to happen at a slower pace, but also for God's will to be done. As much as it isn't how we envisioned life, I believe there is a purpose behind this, and God can teach us a lesson. During times of hardship and struggle, we have two options: to turn, run and blame or to cling to the Lord like our life depends on it, because…it does. God wants you to have a relationship with Him and share your struggles with Him and walk with Him hand in hand. And when it seems too hard, He'll carry you. All you have to do is ask Him. Maybe this is all happening for us to grow stronger, cherish the time we have with family more, even remember the fun and innocence of a child. I am going to remember memories I make with my grandma now, and before. She is a strong beautiful woman, and she still is the strongest woman I know in the midst of these trials. She knows what is going on, even if she's not always aware, but she is strong and a fighter and I love her so much, and her Grandpa Irv did too and always will. 

           I want to just end this with random pictures with Grandpa Irv from throughout my life, with little captions.  Enjoy, memories of Grandpa Irv-> through Jessie's Eyes.

Birthday Dinner at Texas Roadhouse 2010

At a relative's getting rid of old clothes:
Here is a swimsuit he was showing me
from back in the day.

Helping with the chores of picking oranges #springbreak

My confirmation 

Labor Day on the lake 2011

Teaching Grandpa Irv and my dad how to "plank" 2011

Something I inherited from
Grandpa Irv #lefthandedshot

Loving Couple at Olive Garden

My goofy grandpa =)

The ball from the Twins game that fell on the floor after
my brother being distracted with Grandpa Irv boxing out to
try and get it. Happy Campers here =)

CHRISTmas Eve Candlelight 2014

4th of July one year, lighting a sparkler
before heading home to bed=)

One day Grandpa came down with
this awesome shirt, and a flower in a
can =)

You may now Kiss the Bride- Valentines Day 2014 #vowrenewal

This is actually from the year my brother had his brain aneurism (CHRISTmas Miracle post), this is also to remember all the times we'd sneak on the course and put after golfing hours =)

I love you Grandpa Irv, and here are just a few of the memories I'll cherish forever <3

        - Jessie

Legacy Part 1 (Saint)

            I honestly don’t know where to begin. Part of me wants to start a few months ago, and the other part of me wants to start with a wonderful breakfast I was having with a friend. I’m going to see if I can tie them together.

            Okay. So a few months ago I was eating my wonderful weekly dinner with my grandma and grandpa St. John. On my way home, I had stopped to get gas, and was thinking about the conversations shared and the people I was with. I was thinking about my grandparents and the wonderful and full lives that they’ve lived.  I started thinking about how I cherish the time I spend with them, as at some point they will be gone, and leave behind their legacy.  The word legacy was imprinted into my brain, and I was pondering it, and then thought what kind of legacy do I want to leave behind? I may be 24 (23 at the time), but the things I do today are all built into your legacy. Your legacy is a work in progress throughout your life. As this is all racing through my mind, I start singing and making up a song as I go. I grab my phone and press record, as soon as I'm done getting gas. Stay tuned, you may just hear a bit =)

Grandpa's Sherm & Irv

            Fast-forward a few months. The weekend of my Grandpa Irv’s  83rd birthday was fantastic! Friday I had a fun “nerdy” movie night with friends, while the St. Johns, Schraufnagels and my parents went out for a lovely date to see Wizard of Oz. The following day was my Grandpa Irv’s 83^rd birthday.  In the morning my Grandpa came over and had a nice visit  with my mom and dad on the patio (1.5 hr) while watching golfers go by. After he left and some hours go by, we all find ourselves gathering at my Aunt Mj’s and Uncle Pooh Bear’s (Gary) house.  What was really cool is my dad’s parents, Sherm and Lynn Moe, were able to come to the party, as they now live in Tucson. That was very special as my two grandpa's used to coach together and then one day my dad is asking for my mom's hand and the rest is history- so they're super good friends.  At one point of the night Uncle Pooh Bear brought out a cribbage board and put it between my grandpa’s and said, “I’m just gonna put this here and see what happens…” Well folks, it happened, before you know it the boys were going at it and my grandpa won!!!! – I'll tell you which one in a minute. Soon it was time for presents. Grandpa Irv received some very nice gifts and then it was time for him to open Grandpa Sherm's. Here’s some background. Every afternoon my grandparents would have cocktail hour… which they call having a “bump”. Grandpa Sherm bought him a drink to help mix their bumps and Grandpa Irv was so happy, and said it was the best gift…then he said, actually the $0.35 he received from Sherm for winning the game was the best gift. They kid around all in good fun. After dessert, two-by-two the grandparents left to get home for the night. I normally get up and give the St. Johns a goodbye hug and kiss, but I was so tired and thought,  I’ll see them in a few days. Remember, I said goodbye, I just didn’t get up. After they had gone, I remember thinking later that night, what if something happens between now and the next time I see them, nothings going to happen. Then we all went on with our nights.

83rd Birthday!

            Fast-forward to the morning of Memorial Day; May 25, 2015. I was busy getting ready to get lunch with my dear friend Victoria, before I move back to the Northland. While getting ready I remember my parents telling me that Grandpa would be coming over to oversee my dad paint a door and hang out for a little bit.  Before you know it I was at breakfast, chatting the morning away, sipping on hot cocoa, and awaiting the arrival of our food when I got a text from my mom saying, Heading to Banner Heart Hospital. Grandpa’s been taken in by ambulance. My heart started racing and my head spinning.  I’m the girl who likes the thrill of an adventure as long as everything turns out ok. My dream was to be the weather girl reporting live from the hurricane or near a twister…you name it, as long as loved ones and I didn’t get hurt. Something like this has happened to grandpa before and it ended up being nothing, so I was hoping it was something like that again, where we can look back and say remember that time…Shortly after my mom texted me saying that they were registering Grandpa which usually meant everything was ok…at least we thought.  So I finished my breakfast and headed to the hospital. After parking in the wrong section of the hospital, I ended up finding my way with the help of my mother. The rules were two allowed in the room, two in the hall, so I waited in the lobby as people were shuffling in. I was busy doing a devo when my uncle Pooh Bear walks by and I hear him say it’s not good, and then I eavesdrop on the conversation he was having on the phone with my cousin. I heard that he needed surgery and there was a 23% survival (since then I’ve heard 30% as well).  Once my uncle was off the phone he explained what he knew, and I’ve talked to my dad as well. From what I understand he had an aortic dissection, which causes internal bleeding. I believe he had either the same thing (but not as bad) or something similar about 10 years ago. As soon as I heard that, I told my uncle I had to see him. Knowing that he may not survive the surgery and remembering that I hadn’t gotten up and hugged him goodbye on his birthday, I had to see him. We were afraid he was already in surgery, but when we got there, they were trying to prep him. He was going in and out of consciousness, and when he’d come out, he was wondering where he was and what was happening.  I remember my mom being in there comforting him, and telling him that he had fainted while playing pool and the doctors were taking care of him. – I realize I forgot the detail of what he was doing when this started to happen.  She was so kind and strong. I later found out that she’d ask him here and there if he was in any pain and his answer was no. I got in there and there were doctors working and wanting only two of us in there. I didn’t want to disrupt the doctors but wanted to give him a possible goodbye kiss and a kiss full of love. I took his right arm and gave it a big kiss full of tears, I remember seeing my mother by his hospital door capturing the precious moment.  I believe once I left the room I ran into my daddy’s arms and just cried. Then we waited for them to prep.

            Waiting. Waiting can be torture. I hopped on my Facebook, and posted on the college/young adults group I’m apart of with a prayer request. I also began texting many friends asking for prayer (I apologize if I forgot you as my head was spinning).  There became a point when things were slightly better. My mom was by his bedside, when the beginning of the end began, and she knew it was time to step out. Our family was no longer in his room, but one close by.  Prayers, discussion, crying, hugs were all some of the things shared. My dad was on the phone with D.j. trying to book a ticket when we were all suddenly called to the room that we were “camping out in” because the surgeon wanted to talk to us.  We had barely sat down, when the surgeon broke the news. Honestly his words are all a blur to me, I can’t remember what words he used, I just remember my heart sinking and being in shock, and looking at my grandma.  It was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen.

            After a few antagonizing minutes we were allowed to go in and see him. I honestly was nervous, because I have never seen someone this close to the TOD. I’ve always seen people at a viewing.  I can’t remember if I prayed or not, but regardless, God filled me with the courage to go in and sit down in the chairs they put out for us, with tears running down my face, and holding my mother. I was shocked. I remember just over a week ago eating with my grandparents and Grandpa saying how he had a great doctors appointment and the one thing I remember them telling him was to have less salad…I think many of us would like that. With that information I was shocked, and hearing grandma in there, telling him to wake up, begging him to wake up, broke me into pieces. I was heartbroken as a granddaughter who was close to him, but I couldn’t imagine the heartbreak Grandma Pat was facing, with the loss of a husband she’s had for nearly 60 years (this summer).  I also couldn’t imagine what my mother was going through, as she was very close with her dad; they had a connection that I admired. I also looked at Mary Jean, and Judith was on the phone with us in the Grandpa’s room. I thought about his three daughters and thought of the love he had for each each of them and their's back to him, each unique in their own way.  I thought of my brother, cousins and myself and how we all have a good relationship, and seeing the blessing I've had from living down here by him the last few years unravel.  I think of my cousins two little boys who are lucky enough to have their great-grand parents present in their young lives, yet also remember the beauty of being a child. The time we had in that room was beautiful and heartbreaking, but there was definitely some beauty from pain (ironically, that’s one of the points from the sermon we had just the day before).  The hardest part was getting my grandma to leave the hospital room and say goodbye.

            By dinnertime, the family was streaming into my aunt’s house and my brother and Aunt Judith were both on their way.  I remember sharing a hug with my cousin Blake and we shared a few words, and it was a moment I won’t forget. We were the cousins who would always be laughing; well he’d always be making me laugh hysterically, and for these few moments we shared in the same pain and love we had for our grandfather, and it was comforting, knowing we’re in the same boat and have each other’s back! We told stories outside, ate food, and eventually some of us fell captive to the “500 Questions” game show on t.v. It was soon time to pick up Judith and my brother. We picked my aunt up first and then went to get D.J. When I found out he was still getting off the plane, I raced upstairs, to wait, where all these people were waiting for friends and loved ones coming home (some very large parties of people). I was waiting in anticipation to see my brother and give him a nice big hug, as we both had a very close relationship with our Grandpa Irv, and knew we needed each other to get through this. It was probably only a few minutes waiting, but it seemed to take absolutely forever and then I got to see my baby brother and I was so happy and thankful.

Labor Day a few years ago (mom w/ her parents)

Planking with dad and Grandpa Irv

Birthday at Texas Roadhouse 5 years ago

Legacy Part  2: to be continued…

Do You Believe?

           About a year ago a movie came out that I had long been awaiting, called God's Not Dead! - click to check out the blogpost. Before I know it I'm hearing about a new movie with the title of Do You Believe? -  which once again Newboys has a song titled "We Believe." It's so powerful, so I'm just going to get to it!

         I'm nearing the end of my spring break, and had a long, productive and exciting day at school getting ready for next week. Yet after putting in an 8-9 hour day (after having two weeks off) I was exhausted and my brain was fried. I called up my Aunt Mj, because we haven't had a "G.N.O" -> girls night out<- in awhile and we ended up going to Johnny Rockets and a movie…wanna take a wild guess what one? Did you say Do You Believe? -if so, you are correct! I want to start this off by telling about Johnny Rockets…you'll see why.

       Mj, arrives first and gets a seat while I'm parking. When I get there, our waiter, Nate, is going over his favorite items on the menu, as my aunt is trying to decide.  He gets our drinks and stuff while us ladies chat, at one point he looks down at the table and see's my phone and proceeds to tell me he liked my case which is one of my favorite and one of the first verses I memorized: "I can do all things through Christ." - Philippians 4:13. I said thank you, and it my head I'm like "That is so cool!" As dinner is nearing it's end, Nate brings us our ticket as he knows we're headed next door to the theater. He proceeds to ask us what movie we'd be going to. We say "Do you believe?" He tells us he hadn't heard of it, and I say, "It's by the same people who made 'God's Not Dead'" and we start to have a conversation in which he brings up the movie "Heaven is for Real" and how good it was. He mentioned another story like that he read about, and "90 Minutes in Heaven" came up as well. To me it was so cool to just have a conversation with our waiter about some fantastic faith-based films, where conversations like that don't normally come up, so that is completely a "God-spot" (God-moment) of the day!
      I don't want to say too much about the movie, without giving too many things away so I'll just give you the general idea of the movie and the trailer. Hopefully you can see it and then feel free to comment  on the movie. So as the movie starts it a verse flashes on the screen…which ironically (or not ironically) I had talked to 4-6th graders at church last Sunday about while talking about Nehemiah. The verse was:

         "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action is dead"

James 2:17 (NIV)

When you think about that verse, it is powerful. How often do we say, "I believe"…yet our actions and how we live our lives don't show it. If we find ourselves in a situation where it would be easier to deny our faith no matter how extreme or not, do we tend to deny it. Do we tend to only claim our faith when it's convenient? If we claim something when it's beneficial to us, or doesn't affect us it's easy, but do we really believe that. God didn't call us to a "convenient faith." In fact Jesus says in Matthew 10:22,(NIV) "You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved." Then later in II Timothy 3:12 Paul reiterates, " In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." Both of these verses are saying that following Jesus won't be the "easy" road, but if we persevere we will be saved. Persevering is the hard part, especially if what we're doing isn't the "cool" thing according the world or pop culture. Following Jesus requires sacrifice. One of my favorite lines from the movie was, "If you were ever accused of being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?"- ponder that a moment. I love when God has things tie together, just last night at 923 (our college/young adult group) Jon Moton was talking to us about adversity and how following Jesus means there's going to be adversity, and about perseverance. A big point he mentioned was to think of adversity as an opportunity. Take a second. Think about your life right now…maybe things are going great, maybe they aren't going so great…but guess what!?!?! You can find the opportunity in any situation to give glory to God, praise God, share God with others! Pray for God to present you with opportunities, and that you will listen and be receptive…no matter what is going on in your life. It's something I want to work on to. -> off topic…but if you've seen the new "Annie" and you have the "opportunity" song stuck in your head…this is a secular example, but that girl always had a smile on and looked for the positives, no matter how mean Miss Hannigan is, whether she's with Mr. Stacks (new version) etc…she looks for the positives at is thankful for the opportunity she's gotten. God presents opportunities for us all the time, we just need to realize it. What opportunities are unfolding? Will you listen?

       What starts the whole "Do you believe?" movement in the movie, is when this guy asks a person (who we find out is a pastor). "Do you believe in the cross of Christ?" -along with the follow up question "What are you going to do about it?" That goes right with James 2:17, faith requires more than just believing, it requires action. As Bob Goff would say, "Love Does." What are you going to do to wear your faith on your sleeve? To be the hands and feet of Jesus? The story follows 12 different people and how the "cross" brings them all together. The movie is fantastic, and is filled with many emotions! If you're prone to crying- happy or sad tears- I won't tell you what…bring some tissues =) As the movie is leading to the credits, I can feel the moment building as Newsboys song "We believe" starts to build up and eventually starts to play. One of my favorite parts of faith-based movies and seeing them in a group of believers is the clapping at the end of the movie. That seriously gets me all emotional. It's like at Sonshine Music Festival when I look around and see people all over with their hands raised singing worship songs to our Lord and Savior…it is an overwhelming moment of God's love for us and our love for Him. I really want to say more about the movie, but I can't give it away…and James 2:17 is a great verse to focus on to get an idea of what the movie will be about =)

Check out the trailer down here, go to the movie and I'd love to hear what you think!

Closing Quesetions:

Do You Believe?

What are you going to do about it?

Love your sister in Christ,

             -Jalynn (Jessica Lynn)

p.s.

   This is completely off topic, but if you're still reading here's a few fun facts that will make my generation feel old…even though we aren't.

           * remember the Carmen Cortez from Spy Kids, yeah shed's all grown up in this movie…and is married in real life…no longer Alexa Vega but Alexa PenaVega

           * remember The Game Plan with the rock and the cute little girl names Peyton played by Madison Pettis…yeah she's 16 now and also in this movie…crazy and super cool!

         * The little girl who plays Lily is the cutest little actress and completely steels the show, and her undying faith throughout the movie is a great example of "faith like a child" which would go wonderfully well with this post: YLS & SB2K15

          * Samwise Gamgee is in it too for all the LOTR fans!

          * Everyone was fantastic in this movie!!!